visual merchandiser

When am I going to make it?

I’ve decided that I want to start talking a little more frankly and openly about my life on Style Rarebit and express some of the ‘real’ things I’m thinking about right now. This particular vein of worry started about a week ago when I met a couple who are friends with my boyfriend. They were so lovely, they had recently got engaged, lived in a beautiful house and had two children. They were also two years younger than me. I think you can see where this is going. I am 25 and I cannot even get myself out of bed on time, let alone raise a family and afford a house. There are people my age who have their whole life together and honestly I haven’t a single plan past this Saturday. I am still eating tea at the family table, still getting told off for leaving cups in my room and still have not got my career together. Damn.

My boyfriend is becoming a police officer this summer and watching him get through every exam, interview and stage of the process has been so amazing. Don’t for a second misconstrue this as me not being unbelievably proud of him but it also makes me shit myself that little bit more. Everyone around me seems to be finding what they love to do and making it happen. Whether that’s in their career, or starting a family or just creatively making their passions happen everyday. Turning 25, as ridiculous as it sounds, was really daunting and thought provoking for me. I am a quarter of a century old and the fact of the matter is I still have absolutely no idea about what, or where or who I want to be in life.

I am currently working as a stylist/visual merchandiser and it’s honestly one of the most fun jobs I’ve ever had and with some of the most talented women I have ever met. I get to be creative every single day and am free to experiment as much as I like which has been amazing. That being said I’m a graduate in the lowest level job, there’s no progression and for all the hard team work we’re putting in it’s a minimum wage pay check at the end of the month. On this salary I am no further to buying a house than I am being able to stretch my money to reach 31 days. It’s not that I’m being negative but after all the internships, free photoshoots and blogging time I have put in, it’s a little frustrating to be getting nowhere in return.

This may be a bit ranty but my anxiety is at 100 wondering if I’ll ever have my own home. I would love to have a career I can be proud of, or just something to tell people I went to school with, when I bump into them at Tesco so I sound like I’m doing something good with my life. I’m not sure what my next step should be or what avenue is best at this point but I know for sure I am not the only one that feels like this. I guess that’s why I really wanted to write this post, outfits and hair stylers aside this is my online voice after all. Maybe by talking about this someone will comment with an idea or spark my interest in a new career and vice versa. I’m never going to give up but if I can speed up the process all the better for it.